resultku...

ok, da taw result.. frust sgt dgn econ, rasa cm ley dpt 6. hu3. then, i would have a better chance. pas2 pk chem ley dpt 6, malay ley dpt 7.ley dpt 36, pass requirement, nothing 2 worry. hu3. i dunno i juz can't help thinkin, what if, dpt ni,what if, what if... hu3. but i got 2 wake up man!! lom + tok lg kn, pliz ya allah, tolongla dpt a.. 

hu3. best sgt lagu maher zain ni.. insyaallah, we'll find our way. ha3. exactly at da rite moment, when i'm typing it, 2 yg dye nyanyi.

pas2, x gtaw pn mak abah lg. rasa semlm meronta2 nk cite kt mak,soh dye bgn. kol 2 pg?? hu3. i knew she would understand. but i juz don have da heart 2 tell her, abah lg r,owez konfiden in me. "sy taw, anak sy skor di saat akhir" he said 2 my mum.. hu3. i really3 like 2 do dat, trust me, i have tried my best, ofcoz mesti ade penyesaln di sini sana, but overall, i give it my best shot, 4 da last paper i slept at 5 am. rncg xmo tdo, tkot nanti lg ngantok & pening, tp t'tdo gak.. hu3

kol 1 da baring da ats katil, nk tdo awl spy dpt bgn awl,bgn awl, xnk lwt2 da... i need 2 change. tp nk dkt kol 3 xley tdo. t'guling sana, guling sini. thinking about my future. cane nk face famili kt kg, kwn2.. hu3. nk wat pmc yg 6 thn? bley ke? nanti dowg question lmbtnye fly... hu3. pliz, jgn buruk sangka. slalunye things r not like what u expected..

but at da same time, i'm so hepi 4 my fwens yg lps & perform wif flying colours. setkt ni, pkot, epul, acap & zaim.. congratz korg.. u guyz deserve it. ramai lg rsanye, ada mesti ebat gak.. congratz ada. i really do miss u. walopn i've been such a jerk, u sbr je. tenkiu so much..

i see u

I think it is important 2 not 2 get influenced easily by ur surrounding. Tp bese r,sbg manusia biasa we tend 2 b like dat, kdg2 tanpa kte sdr. If it is a good environment(environment I meant here t’msklah member2 kte, cara dowg, budaya sume2), then Alhamdulillah. But if its not.. hu3. 

I’ve always remind myself, jdla dri sendri, bcoz... errr, err..  Well, juz be urself k.. coz blh nmpk dat is juz not u, but ur pretending 2 b someone else. But ofkos, kalo yg baik 2 kte ikut. =) “Buang yg keruh ambil yg jernih baru teguh peribadi~”

 

sy mmg suke perhati org, xtaw nape. ;p Perangai manusia ni mmg b’aneka mcm & it made me think why they do this n dat sume2. then, kalo da taw die mcm mane, taw la cane nk b'gaul dgn die, i mean, kalo die mmg jenis ckp lps, xyah terasa coz die mmg mcm 2, kalo die x ske ditego ttg kesilapnnye ke, xyah tego direct, do it secara b'hikmah, mgkn tnjk cnth yg baik ke, dll.. insyaallah bkn nk judge pape, but juz ske perhati & insyaallah amik pengajarn la mane2 yg patot.But ofkos, itu sume hanyalah tekaanku semata2, I dunno da real thing right. Smpai kdg2 2, kene restrain diri dlm diam. “Jage mata, jage mata” coz pemerhatianku tdk terhad pd kaum hawa je. ;p Xmo org2 b’kenaan perasan saye usha(which I did, but not in such a way, well, u know what I mean kn?) tp ade je usha coz mmg cntk/smart. ;p jage mata, jaga hati. bese r manusia, mdh t'tarik pd yg cntk (allah pn ske yg cntk), tp cintaku & kesetiaanku hanya pd husbandku. eh, lari dr topik lak. ok, next2...

kalo kte pndg skali die cntk/hensem, tp kali ke2 tak. itu maknenye die cun dr segi fizikal, tp tdk dr segi akhlak. kalo 1st & 2nd time tgk die cntk/hensem bahkn makin sdp memandang, 2 maknanye die mmg cntk luar & dlm. Kalo 1st tgk x brape lawa/smart, tp 2nd time sejuk mata memndg. 2 maknanye, akhlaknye cntk cume mgkn fizikalnya sederhana. (dari hati naik ke mata! ngeh3) kalo 1st & 2nd tgk mmg x sdp mata mendg, maknanye pe? luar & dlm pn buruk. hu3. xtaw sape ckp, ke sy derive sendri. x ingat da. tp dari situ, daku blaja byk ttg kelakuan manusia & it really make feel interested 2ward psychology.

tbe2, t’ingat suatu ketika dahulu (x la lame sgt), when I do things bcoz of people. & I become so uneasy dat saye rase ntah pape sgt. Ok, x related sgt dgn kt atas ni. Mainly nk ckp psl ikhlas. When u do things, bkn sbb u btol2 nk (as in x ikhlas, t’paksa n stuff), perasaan sgt2 la xbest. *Ok, juz 2 inform, dis only concern about me, xtaw la org lain cane. N well slalunye, bende 2 x kekal, hanye sementara coz wat pn cm t’paksa kn.. hu2.

Da la, merapu je..

i'll be waiting 4 u..

semlm ade mix of feeling. mule2 hepi yg amat, pastu kecewa, last2 sedey but still glad+bahagia. i noe, cacamerba right? ha3. (kalo prasan, saye slalu tulis ha3, well, dats bcoz i like 2 laugh, like a lot. dats juz me)

anyway, i'm not da type yg make da 1st move. dunno y.. walopn thp angau gle2, senyum sorg2, ssh nk fokus & tdo. (pecy x penah jd) hahahahuhuhu..x slh pn kalo pompuan mule dlu kn, amek cth ct khadijah. but, i'm not as brave as her, dis is juz me. i guess i'm juz 2 shy & not konfiden enough.

lyn2~ lagu melayu ni best gak ek~ (br taw ke?)

love da 1 who love u, not da 1 u love

i used 2 believe in dat phrase. yela, kalo kte je yg dok syok kt org 2, tp org 2 xde  rase pape pn kt kte.. bahagiakah?? so, i thought if i be with da person who loves me, maybe he would make me happy. 

tp lps bace blog org psl mende ni, kte yg sebenanya selfish. die dok b'ia2 love2(ok, nk sebut pn cm geli, dunno y) kte, tp we can't return 2 him da same feeling. hati ni xleh dipaksa2. walopn org 2 da cukup sume ciri2 yg kte nk, tp xtaw nape xleh nk wat hati ni ske kt die, like really2. &  i don want 2 jump into a relationship atas dsr simpati or sbb nk ade some1 je. trust me, dat will not end well. walopn org kate cinta leh dipupuk, well dat's goes specially for married couple, cm org dlu2. x penah knl b4 kawen, tp still togede2 smpai b'cucu cicit. but looking at my age, i dun think i'm heading 2wards dat direction yet (tp jodoh di tgn tuhan kn. ha3). anyway, if i wanna b in a relationship, biala saye btol2 ske kt die & he feels da same way. now dat's mutual & x selfish. he2. ye, nk tunggu mgkn take time. tp xpe, i'll wait. even if nk kawen bru jmpe. maybe its da best 4 me, after all, allah knows da best right. ;)

lg 1, sy penah ckp sy ni cpt jeles kalo bab2 ni. really?? (sendr ckp, sendr x ngaku). ha3. maybe, but not 2 much, juz a lil bit & slalunye juz keep it 2 myself. xmo r cite2 kt org, x psl2 org nyampah lak. ish2(jgn sangka buruk). anyway, if my special some1 really loves me, mesti die x wat things yg make me sedey right, so watpe nk cite sal hal remeh temah cm jeles, juz keep it 2 urself. besides, jeles 2 kn tanda syg. ha3. sori, mood jiwang t'lebey lak lately, xtaw nape. ;p

nape post sal love2 ni. bese la jiwa remaja, tipu la kalo xde rs nk syg & disygi (tulis, tp geli plak). sbr ye jiwa muda, kalo ade, ade la. kalo xde, nk wat mcm mane.. juz leave it to Allah. lgpn skang ni kn tgh study, prioritize pliz..

too tight

if we grab something too tight, we'll might lose it. mcm pegang telor. ok, bru jd td.. telor 2 cm melekat kt bekas die (tgh lapa ni kn, nk msk bekfes), tarik punya tarik. tgk2 pecah.. ish3. kenela lap, amek tisu, bks tisu pn koyak. t'lebey force ke?

so, those 'events' brought me here. rs cm leh apply kt dlm idop. if we're too clingy 2 someone, we might, juz as well lose them. so, b'pada2la~ 

da abes marah? (kesinambungan post ketdkpuasan atiku)

hu3. 2 la dye jdnye masa tgh marah gle2. mmg x pk psl perasaan org lain da. x pk akan rasionalnye, akn impaknye kalo melepskn kemarahan 2. walopn x regret sgt, coz lega gak kdg2 lps.

mntg2 la dgn adek bradik. xtaw nape, sbb da bese sgt kot dgn dorg. kalo dgn kwn2, jrg gle gado..

ok, kene stop by 7, kene gosok bju n siap2 g ngaji.

lets make it short & simple. hu3. sowi 4 being short minded. mmg xley tarik blk, cannot rewind. i guess, it juz exploded. hu3. ms tgh hidai bju rasa mcm byk nk tulis, tp mse tulis ilang plak. mcm 2 plak, pas ni teringat2 lg psl nk b'blog. especially msa solat. ish3. kena khusyuk k..

so sowi.. i've come 2 my senses now. btol r, masa tgh hot menggelegak 2, jgn kaco, mmg xley think strait, masa 2 mmg pk psl ktenye marah je.. ble da sejuk sket br ok. da 1 thing i like about myself is dat i've owez ade reflection after every incident. like wani said. he3. tp 2 r, setkt kesedarn je, tp action kureng.. xpe2, try lg. never give up k.. again, sowi... i'll try 2 make it up 2 u tomorrow sis, sending u back feeling worse is da last thing i want 2 do..

ustazah2...

i like dis one. di saat tgh emo2 kt umah+konflik dlmn(menyampah-rase-ntah-pape-pd-dri-sendri). jap, don get me wrong, sy sgtla hepi dok umah coz b'same famili(i'm a famili gurl la), cume emo2 ni kt dlm diri je la. at least, ade gak something utk make me feel a lil bit better about myself.
it all started dlm kete mase benti kt petronas. mak mmg taw, sy nk cari keje coz nk ade duit. boring kot dok t'perap je kt umah all day long. nk gak shopping2, jln2 cari husband eh cari mkn..

i so don want 2 ask money from mak, coz taw its not something yg perlu pn.. then, mak cdgkn jd tenaga pengajar kt tpt ngaji ilin & aiman. it really took me by surprise.. mmg la dlu, i used to teach adek2 ngaji kt tmn melati(b4 g balik pulau), siap ade buku kedtgn, yela kalo dowg ponteng, sedikitla gajiku, so make sure dowg x ponteng! he2. ceh, mcm lyk sgt nk ajar2 org. cuma mase 2, ustzh kt apartmen kenari(rmh kitorg at dat time, skang da sewakn kt org)da pndh &; kebetulan sy baru khatam. pastu, grateful gak coz ade g skola agama ptg2, where i learn tajwid, sirah sume2. tp smpai drjh 5 je, drjh 6 xnk amek pekse, nk fokus kt upsr(kononnye).

so, mlm 2 g la tpt ngaji 2. 1st time g tpt ngaji yg mcm organize. i mean sewa lot kedai, (bkn kt rmh sndr) ade kad peninjauan harian(bkn mothly /yearly), bace muke surat mane, surah mane, lancar mane(siap ade rank  1-10) sume2.. my mum mmg kate johor, bab agama ok gak r. owh, baru ku tahu. tp jb mlm2, x ubah cm kl gak. hu3. anyway, g la utk interbiu.cuak 2 xyah ckp r. kt umah da siap2 gosok & pkai bju kurung, tudung sume2, tp xmo msk kete. takot woo, ntah pe bntk interbiu die nanti. hu3. rupe2nye, it wasn't dat bad. mmg ustzh zaharah nk cri org nk mengajar pn.yg pntg die kate b'minat & leh bg komitmen. but ofkos, die tanyela tajwid sume2, ngaji dpn die. tp yg bestnye, ustzh ckp, "awk blh mengajar smbl blaja'' =) pastu soh isi borg peribadi, sijil spm & mane2 sijil yg patot. sijil lak, i mean copy sijil.(b'minat sgt smpai nk bg sijil spm ori kt uszth. ha3. yo'o je..)

jd, b'mula suda kerjaku. mlm2ku diisi dgn aktiviti yg lebih m'dtgkn redha allah(insyaalah). ms 1st time dipanggil ustzh 2, mmg rase something. x pecaye+bangga+takot sume ade. but syukur everything went smoothly.

yg xle bla, pe'el dak2 ni. kebetoln dpt ank murid sume laki. coz dowg asing laki pompuan, but still in da same room yg bsr la. mak ai, nkl sungguh! xle dok diam, adek sendiri, si aiman 2, mmg x heran la, xle dok diam, pns bontot katenye(ok, dis part sy tmbh). b'lari sana sini. mule2, cm segan & takot nk marah dowg. tp mmg kena marah, kalo x, haram nk dok diam. nsb baik ade anak ustzh, si firdaus 2 yg monitor things. di tgnnye, t'siap sedia rotan. tp setkt pukol2 dinding & manja2 kt dak2 tu soh diam. form 1 da khatam, tgk pn baik bdknye, x byk ckp tp ley je gurau2 dgn dak2 lain, muke pn sweet. kalo la anakku mcm ni. eh, lari topik. anyway, dowg ni mmg ske b'ckp.ustzah2, dorg gado, ustzh2 nk g tnds,ustzh2 die xnk kwn dgn saye. ha3. lawak sey~

ps: sebenanye nk ltk gmba dgn anak2 muridku, tp x bwk kamera (henfon pn x bwk ni kamera), so xde lgsg gmbaku b'sama mereka(yg in my possesionla). comel sgt dowg, ustazah akn rindu korg~ he2

ketdkpuasan atiku..

Nk bkk blog sendri pn xleh, msa crucial mcm ni r gunenye blog nk luahkn rasa ati yg tgh meluap2 ni. (t'lupe password, typical me, sume lupe) tp da bley, so bia jela..

Kalo ade kakak, maybe bley cite..

Btolla, kte akan g kt org yg phm je perasaan kte utk let it out. If kte da taw dye jenis akn oppose pe yg kte ckp, kte xkn g kt org 2. Ofcoz di time2 mcm ni, kte akan g pd org yg kte rasa akan mengerti perasaan kte. Nk g pd org baik, mesti dye akn nasihat je. Duuh!! rite now, I feel sick of nasihat (I dunno when did I become dis rebellious) Hu3. 

I’m in a stage of my life, where I am really3 unstable..

Ni r zmn kejthn ak. fyi, ak hanya gune ak ble ak btol2 marah. (exception ble ckp dgn laki, mmg gune ak ko dgn dorg) Ak taw, kadang2 ade je org mcm kata ngada/geli gune kte awk. Well, dat's me, & I WONT CHANGE 4 ANYBODY!!! plg x suke if people always telling me what 2 do.. Duuhhh, taw r nk watpe.  Elok2 nk wat, pastu g soh2 lg. mmg kancel trus nk wat. 

Ak taw setan tgh cucuk ak gle2 skang. But, nk gak say something. Bcoz dis kind of things ssh nk cite kt org. bkn dye phm pn.. mesti r kte nk org side kt kte ble kte story2, tp kalo xtaw da real thing, da whole thing, korg leh ckp pe. ingat lg dlu, ssh gle nk open up kt org. 

Sori 2 say.. mmg skang plg benci dri sendri. Hey, I am myself worst critic. nobody critic me lg dasyat dr ak. Its been a long time , x marah2 cani.

Hu3. Y?3 did u become like dis? Taw je, sbb xle solat kot, so ssh sket nk kwl nafsu + emo t'lebey2, dgn setan yg sedia ada yg x abes2 nk rosakkn ak. But  although da taw sume 2, still mcm ni. Pliz la, rsa mcm x larat asik kutuk diri sendri. I don’t really think that high of myself. Esp sejak msk kmb ni. sepatotnye jd makin baik,tp mkn terok. 

Nape xley jd aten yg dlu, solat khusyuk, awal waktu, xrasa berat pn nk wat solat hajat, wat perkara sunat. Rajin jaga umah. Da 1 who never disappoint her parents, siblings, fwens, org sekeliling & mostly dri sendri. Skang asik mengecewakn everybody , dri sendri da most. I have so much expectation towards myself. So much I want 2 do, good things. 1st time org komplen psl sikap kt umah, 1st time, kene pggl sbb result terok. 1st time I feel so damn mad to myself, like hell! Ah, lntk r, juz want 2 get it all out.

pliz la..rs da penat buat azam, slalu sekejap2 je.. pliz3. I don wan 2 be dis loser person….

k da2, g hidai bju, gosok bju & mndi..