comel gile boleh x~

p/s: rasa mcm nk clarify post kt bwh ni. coz of course u learn something from it. ade je yang mcm nasihat tp time tgh 'hot' fikir emo kite je kan, lepas da abes emo baru fikir akan rasionalnya advice itu. eh, i'm actually clarifying it right now. actually there's more, tp malas nk tulis. oh well, cheers :)

x rase ke sweet gile laki tu? best gileeeeeeeeee. lol.

tired of holding it all in

oh, so i'm not allowed to be angry????
i dont have the right to be upset????
i'm not allowed to follow my feelings which i only potray once in a blue moon??
kadang2 penat nk kawal, pretending ur happy when ur not. pretending to be strong when ur not
tired of being pushed around, doing things i dont wanna do. (but, i think its my fault really sbb x btaw my true feelings, i guess i dont wanna hurt their feelings even for a tiny bit & nk sedapkan hati diorg) but, in the end diri sendiri yg berkonflik dalaman.
i'm human too

of course, i can't expect semua orang to understand me
all i'm hoping is for them to respect my decision

susah kalo semua orang rasa die betul
if u do that,then what does that make me?

Don’t waste your time explaining. people only hear what they want to hear

sori 4 da emo post. like i said, i'm only human. it is impossible to make everyone happy. this is juz me, melepaskan rasa hati which kadang2 i find it very hard to do so to people. again, sorry

better

"teha friendly"

komen kak su time cakap pasal 1st impression. rasa best plak usrah hari tu, lepas group usrah di rombak menjadi lebih kecil (which in my opinion is a good thing coz bile makin sikit makin banyak ruang nk bercakap). anyway, banyak kite baru tahu bile taaruf ari tu. before this, rasa mcm da kenal da semua orang, tapi tak kenal betul2 mendalam lagi macam apa yang dia suka & tak suka, hobi, latar belakang dll.

cute right?

i love cute 'stuff'

lama tak dengar orang komen kite friendly. selalu dengar pendiam, tapi suka senyum (heh. bukan gelak bangga, tapi tiba2 rasa nak gelak) & sombong pun ada. anyway, that comment trigger something. membuatkan kita terfikir...

i used to be very periang and optimistic. a person who is not ashamed of herself. who used to be so proud of herself, not because she thinks highly of herself, but because she made her parents proud, her family and her friends. 

but now i've become this quiet, paranoid and insecure person who nak face orang pun tak berani, apatah lagi nak 'friendly' dengan diorang. i'm not the person i used to be. semuanya sebab kena terminate study kat czech. dulu, i'm used to people looking up to me, expecting big things for me & nothing made me happier than fulfilling those expectations.

well, time changes people. little by little i've grown immune to the fact that i can no longer study here in czech,   and have to repay mara untuk setahun blaja kat sini coz dengar boleh bayar masa keje (it better be true). no longer care much about what other people think of me, i mean the negative ones.(but of course i still care what they think but not that much now) little by little, i'm back to being the old me. maybe not fully the old me, but i'm getting there. but most importantly i'm trying my best to become a better person, may it be the old or new me, i'm certainly going for the better me insyaallah :)

lagu yang dilayan ketika 'down' hari tu. 

as much as i have regretted everything that happened, i know allah's plan is the best. i think regret is not a useful word now. mengambil pengajaran is better right? i'll stay positive insyaallah.  :)

"we're sorry but there is an error while processing your video". k, fine. semangat save kat lappy. nah, kat bawah ni boleh tengok :) 

p/s: kalo perasan, sekarang taip eja penuh & jarang shortform. heh (ok, ni gelak bangga)

learn & do!

"Maka pernahkah kamu melihat orang2 yg menjadikan hawa nafsunya sebagai Tuhannya dan Allah membiarkannya sesat berdasarkan ilmunya dan Allah telah mengunci mati pendengarannya dan hatinya dan meletakkan tutupan atas penglihatannya. Maka siapakah yang akan memberinya petunjuk setelah Allah (membiarkannya sesat), maka mengapa kamu tidak mengambil pengajaran." (Al-Jaatsiyah:23) 

dush3!!! menusuk.. hu3

"Sesungguhnya syaitan itu berlari dalam diri anak Adam seperti mengalirnya darah, oleh itu sempitkanlah laluan syaitan dengan berlapar" (Hadith riwayat Ahmad dan Bukhari dan Muslim

take note fatihah

bila nk balik?

yes, bile nk balik? famili tanya... maybe kawan pn, cuma some x luahkn.. (tapi 2 cuma agakan saya, how in the world would i know about what's in peoples heart). ade yang soh stay smpai igames, u know creating more memories. :) mcm mana nak balik ni, u guyz sangat2 la sweet. 

"kalau da x boleh sambung kat situ kenape x balik lagi?"

hmm, tapi memang x dinafikan hari2ku di sini terasa sangat kosong. kawan sume pegi blaja, & what do i do? tengok laptop je memanjang, mcm bangkai bernyawa. well, not exactly, tapi xtaw nk guna ayat mcm mana lg da. yang senasib atleast die dapat keje, ade yang da balik boleh jumpa famili & plan masa depan sume. me? bangun pun nk dekat tengahari, dok atas katil sepanjang hari menghadap laptop & menternak lemak. tuhan je tahu betapa losernya i think i am.

by this time people would expect me to be ok da kan, and honestly i thought that i will too. but still, akal dan hati x selari. i know i should be able to face people if i met them on the streets by now. but still, rasa xnk  jumpa orang tu still ada. why? for the obvious reasons. malu, insecure, inferior, mana nk letak muka. although u know u shouldn't have negative thoughts, but u still have them. kadang2 wonder, am i in denial?

clearly  everything that happened is my fault. i'm so messed up. even more messed up dari time masalah TOK aritu. but this time i didn't put on any show(by show i mean, locking urself up for 3 days, x mandi x mkn & that made my parents worried sick), bcoz i know better & kena jaga jugak hati kawan which x bersalah langsung, tapi saya yang bersalah gile2 kat diorang. but this time sangat2 la lain dari time masalah TOK tu.   the only reason i'm locking myself up for those 3 days was because my dad didn't believe me. 

long story short, masa problem TOK ari tu yang membuatkan saya sangat sedih sebab my dad didn't believe me (but not for long). but now yang membuatkan saya sangat sedih sebab my dad believed in me even when i didn't give my all. so tell me, how am i suppose to face him? how am i suppose to face the rest of the world, and tell them i wasn't the victim but instead i was the one who messed it all up. 

ye, sape nk sayang kite kalau kite tak sayang diri sendiri. i know. but how can i possibly love myself when all i do is disappoint the people i love. the people who trusted me. sekarang, trust is a very meaningful word for me. dulu, TAHU je maksud nya, tapi sekarang baru RASA betapa mendalamnya the word "trust" tu. because i know how painful it felt when people who should trust you, dont trust you & because i know how unbearable it felt when people trusted you but you didn't deserve that trust.

 true indeed :)

maybe hiperbola sket, tp ade betolnye

sometimes

real sweet

awww~ (gosok2 mata, ada habuk)

i will, insyaallah

or maybe i couldn't express myself well at certain times

my own "comfort zone"

everything happen 4 a reason (needs to constantly remind myself)

this blog is juz tempat meluah rasa, and x taw nape most of them are sad ones. but please know, that this doesn't mean that i'm depressed all the time, i do have my share of fun. lots of them. but, maybe i prefer to express my sadness by writing instead of telling people, and i prefer MAKING happy memories instead of writing one. i guess all the happy things da spent kat my family & friends. thank you, love :)

jazakillah :')

i tear up no matter how much i listened 2 this. u dont know how much it means 2 me. and it really makes me miss u so much, ada. sayang ada sangat2. :') thank you so much. it is as if u can see right through me~

i hope we can stay as friends 4ever. ukhwah fillah~ tenkiu 4 believing in me... u r the sweetest thing ever!! again jazakillah for everything <3

sangat2 rindu ada

i will

u did, & that means the world 2 me

am trying

:')

the best quote so far (on my opinion la)

arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why did i get myself into this mess. definitely not as easy as i thought. not as simple.

juz listen

its comforting

when u luah perasaan x puas hati

kat org yg side kat u

sangat best~

its nice to have someone who respect your decision, who have faith in u (despite of all the 'terrible' things u've done).

there is a thin line between being supportive & pushy 

betolla. kdg2 xyah kasi solution pn xpe. juz be there 4 me, without being judgemental. juz comfort me with 'healing' words. more importantly, juz LISTEN

i'm not saying its the right thing to do, its juz... comforting