my to do list

i juz wanna list a few things that i think i should do:

• pasni xnk pkai tudung & baju matching sgt or terang sgt. tudung yg licin yg ssh jd is a no-no. nanti asik dok betol2 tudung je, mesti org ingat asik nk cover je minah ni, hu3. sori, kalo bab tudung mmg xle x t'urus, kalo org lain, maybe risau psl bju ke pe. even kalo bju kurung pn x gosok, kalo x nmpk kedut sgt. tshirt ape tah lg, mmg x penah gosok. 2 r, tudung la yg m'jd isuku.. hu3. dats me..
• kene limitkn masa on9. seriesly.. =_=
• fokus ms blaja!! jgn dok megelamun.. UNDERSTAND! bkn  hafal/bace je. & ofkos ms blaja dun even think nk on9! obviously blaja 1/10, selebeynye lagha... haihhh
• will never buy chocolate spread da!!!! rase cm da abeskn 10 bekas (which da jd penyumbang kpd "penebatku" yg sdg m'biak dgn vigorousnye) since dtg cni. i know right, gle punye byk! smpai leh abeskn bekas yg 400ml tu dlm 2 ari, juz u imagine.. si chocoholic. kalo kempunan sgt, beli dark coklet je, less fat & bitter sweet. plus, good 4 ur memory too. 

owh, have i not mentioned how fat i think i am? yes, sy rase saye sgt GEMOK! rase mcm dipam2 sejak dtg czech. tp saye suke sgt mknn.. well, sekurang2nye dlm blk jgn ade mknn yg m'gemokkn. pdhal nk cri mknn halal 2 ley thn ssh, but still mkn byk = makin kembg. Mule2 x kisah, asalkn sy chat n stuff(ceh, nk sdpkn hati la 2). Tp ble melihatkn bju yg semkn byk xle pakai (bkn x muat, tp mkn ketat). kena la pk gak kn... hu3

ps:i wish i can stop pk psl bende ni, its been 'haunting me sjk dr mrsm lg'. kdg2 mls nk pk, tp xle gak, coz this involve ur health man! jln sket da semput, mane xnye, lgsg x exercise. nk b'peluh kt cni, jgn arap! suhu pn negative tiap2 ari.

byk lg sebenanye, tp da list lame da dlu dlm pale otak, cume wat 2 on off. hu3. yg kt ats ni, kire baru lg la... so, lets hope saye m'praktikknye~

juz a thought..

sngnye kte nk judge org.. sdgkn kte bknnye leh nmpk pn hati org 2 pn kn.. (insyaallah, tujukn kt dri sendiri gak) i noe, kdg2 action kte mgkn sng menimbulkn pelbagai assumption. tp lykke ke kte nk pndg serong pd org. bgs sgt ke kte ni.. 

kalo x nk hati keluh kesah slalu, i think its best 2 juz b'sangka baik. yeah, walopn org 2 mgkn not as good mcm yg kte sangka, but atleast u can save ur heart from become "rotten". drpd dok sangka buruk kt org, nanti end up x puas ati je. nauzubillah...x tujukn pd sape2, juz a thought.

but ofkos kena la ade lagkah b'jage2. pndai2la pk, kte sume ni kn ade akal utk b'pk, ade hati utk memahami... again, dis is only from my point of view yg xtaw la btol ke x.. juz a thought...

lgpn, there r no right & wrong answer right..
(rasa lega dpt luahkn..) =)

=')

tenkiu 4 giving me reason 2 not open my fb slalu~

refreshing my soul..

hmm, indeed it was.. at first, dgn seronoknye syaitan m'bisikkn, "ko penah dgr mende ni, watpe dgr lg", "nanti ko rase diperli lg (pdhal itu adalah kata2 dr allah!! hey, kalo allah x syg u, die xkn bg u ujian & siap bg nasihat lg. but y do u take it da negative way??)", "kalo x ikhlas watpe g, sia2 je"..bcoz i know 4 da fact dat, if u do something bkn dgn hati yg ikhlas, ia adalah sia2 di mata allah. (then, melalui pengalamn sendri ia xkn kekal lama, bcoz u do it sbb manusia..)  i've always thought that, saye ni kalo dipush, lg akan rebel.. kalo wat mende x ikhlas, we only end up feeling x puas ati or t'paksa. i was shown that i was wrong AGAIN.. seryesly, everyday is a self discovery. also, da more u learn about others, da more u learn about urself. Slalu je dgr, mule2 t’paksa, lama2 ikhlas la. Well, honestly x penah pecy pn dgn dis phrase, tp ble b’laku kt dri sendri.. ha, br hg taw!

warning: dis post gonna b a long one~ da try nk pndkkn, tp xleh, byk sgt nk luah.. 

funny how ur tear gland can break so easily.. dlu cm pelik, nape la ade org ni sng sgt nangis, sket je bole nangis.. now when it happened 2 u.. pe cer? ha3. i do surprisingly surprise myself. Even ayat yg kte slalu dgr, da bole wat air mata trun dgn laju. X agak2 btol, ade org lak 2 kt sekeliling. Sy ni leceh sket, once da start nanges ssh gle nk bent, mmg perlukn kekontrolan dri yg sgt kuat. Psl idung b’air 2 x yah ckp ar, smpai ade akak yg offer tisu. Peerghhh, mane nk ltk muke.hu3. 

actually sy takot nk ckp, sy tkt nk tnjk pe yg sy rs, pe yg sy tahu.. coz, I’m too afraid dat I will not do what I had said. Sy lebey selesa b’diam dri & m’dgr org b’kata2.. from there, i learn so much..

"da more quiter u r, da more u can listen" (x ingat dpt dri mane, tp i like it) =)

“namun, hanya sedikit daripada kamu yg b’syukur” dat does it.. instead of rs diperli (in not a good way), kali ni sy rs sgt sebak yg amat . Betapa x b’syukurnye daku, slalu dikelilingi shbt2 yg baik, slalu didengarkn dgn pengisian rohani. Tp bisikn syaitan yg diikutnye.. sigh~ pdhal, dr dlu lg da diberi p’dedahan dgn sume ni… betapa x b'syukurnye kamu fatihah.. our winter story, meluangkn masa with these great sisters & hearing all of these "ayat2 cinta", makes me feel so.....  can’t really describe it with words. 

dlu x phm sgt dis phrase "kalo cwn yg penuh dgn air, kalo kte isi lg dgn air, air 2 akan tumpah. jd kosongknla cwn, sebelum nk ltk air"  ok, fine i'm not really good at memorizing da exact word. but 4 me, yg penting u FAHAM pe mksdnye.. kalo kte rs kte taw sume i mean byk bende, we tend 2 jd mls nk dgr mende yg konon kte penah dgr 2.. hmm, it really hit me dat time. walopn kte penah dgr mende 2, but sometime we need 2 hear it again, coz u will get a more deep & refreshed understanding.. =)

then, ade ke pemuda mcm sultan muhammad al-fateh & salehuddin al-ayyubi. well, i strongly think there is.. ;) walopn maybe x sehebat mereka, tp sdh cukup utk m'buatku kagum.. 

t’ingat lak ceramah mlm jumaat kt kmb dlu(asik2 t’ingat). Kalo sorg 2 nk wat baik, tp sume org kt sekeliling die wat jht, xke ssh die nk wat baik. Pastu, kalo sorg 2 nk wat jht, tp sume org kt sekeliling die wat baik, x ke ssh die nk wat jht. Ofkos, die akan nk wat baik gak kn sedikit sebyk. See, ur environment do play a part. so, trying 2 create a good environment at home wouldn’t b dat hard rite? After all u always got allah as ur supporter, always~ =)

see, abah i do wear da coat u bought 4 me.. ;) (tp xnk abah bc my blog, segan r plak eden) cume i look funny in it & ofkos bulat in it. ok, i noe jgn dislhkn bju.. fine~ (pasni, xnk amek gmba sgt la.. T_T) plus, mane de org pkai yg btol "ketak2" like da one i'm wearing, but i do appreciate it. sy hargai sume hadiah yg org bg, so bgla sy hadiah, 4 sure sy hargai!! he2.

owh, did i 4got 2 mention i went skiing? (da konfius between skate & ski. skate gune kasut tapak die nipis & tajam. ski guna tapak leper & pnjg. ingat 2 fatihah  =_=) yeah, its a tough sport. especially skiing. ble jth 2, sgt ssh yg amat nk bgn. sbb tapak die pnjg sgt & not 2 mention very slippery. pastu, mestila ski kt gunung kn, so mestila ade curam sket2, bape kali gak r, laju je "ski" ke bwh. syok mmg syok, kalo nk jth kt pokok2 & segala mende alah kt bwh bukit 2. so, kena la jth dgn style eh sengaja utk mengelakkn bhy. ye, kami ade praktis jth. cane? juz rebahkn bdn anda ke snow yg maha sejuk itu & u did it!! ok, sume org ley buat~ =_=  anyway, arini i juz can't seem 2 stop m'gigil. tgk org lain rilek je, i mean x dela gigil2 like me, terasa over lak. da try xnk nmpk obvious sgt, tp ade gak yg perasan.. sori, bkn nk menunjuk sejuk sgt, tp refleksi semulajd bdn, (shivering helps 2 generate heat during decrease in temperature kn.. so, i guess dat's what happen 2 me..) try gak nk control, tp ble da lupe xyah control gigil, bdn gigil blk. ish3..blk2 ni, aim mmg nk tgk suhu bape kt laptop. negative belas2!! no wonderla beb... T_T even ms tulis ni pn dlm bilik, pakai sweater, heater x function ke pe?! *emo tbe2.

my god!!! mata kiri sakit gle nk mati! asik b'air & xleh bkk.. literally. ble sejuk tbe2, start merah2, ble pns tbe2, mulela ngade2 nk merah. skang menanggung seksa. ble mata merah, idung pn b'air. mule la sok sek, sok sek.. ade org ingat nk nangis (well, maybe part of it) eh, tbe2 t'ingat ms tulis ni(x plan pn nk tulis, mmg slalu die akn dtg sendr ms tulis), allah bg kte sakit kn utk kafarah dosa. ye, p'hapusan dosa. rs seronok lak tbe2, coz taw dosa sgtla byk..  tenkiu allah... =)

bhahahah!!

\

tbe2 terasa nk tgk cite hanakimi, tp x smpt nk save dlm lappy br. seyes, lwk gle nk mampos!! ha3. anyway, enjoyssss~ (obviously ptt xde 's', tp nk ltk gak,coz it sounds funny, well atleast 2 me heh)

always there 2 lend a helping hand

benti jap bace chem, ngantok = x dpt msk sgt. so,b'blogging jap. fb cm da bosan dok stalk org. ;p anyway, t'ingat lak peristiwa2 "berair". i've always thought dat saye x mdh nangis, x mdh terasa. but why lately sng sgt sebak, sng sgt nk kuar air mata. pdhal xde pape pn~ (yela pompuan, at those times)

hmm... i've always thought dat saye ni bkn jenis emo, cpt terasa bagai. but, it turns out i can be quite sensitive on certain things (bkn sume). skang, everyday is more like a self discovery. skali nangis 2, ssh sgt nk bent, lg2 kalo ade org perasan, mkn laju plak la air mata trun. kte dok iye2 nk sorok, die ley prasan, g tego lak 2. what da fish! do u know how long it takes 4 me 2 stop crying! ha3. xde r, phm je, maybe org concern. thanx.

anyway, back 2 da title di atas (pnjg lak mukadimah). jumaat ari 2 r, rs sgt ditolong. mcm ni, ade credit test chem. supposedly sy x dpt pn credit 2 (dpt 1/3 markah). mase 2 mmg tgh thn je nk leleh, dlm ati rs cm nk lari toilet da.. yela, sume org lps kott, sy je x! mind u, i do study k.. but maybe not hard & smart enough. siap doa & tawakal sgt2, nk pass. tp lecturer 2 cm tunggu sume blk, bru dtg kt sy. die soh sy solve 3 soaln 2 dpn die. MY GOD!! mmg t'haru nk matii r.. so, t'hegeh2 la sy wat dpn die, 2 pn die byk tolong. in the end, i got my credit!!! yabedabedoooo!!! pastu ms nk blk, bole plak nangis dlm bs. ish, memalukn btol. ade senior lak 2. tp xla nangis esak2, agak2 r.. nangis diam2, tp membe seblh still prasan, mana taknye sket2 soksek.. soksek.. (esak sket2). ntah r, rs x lyk sgt.coz ms wat dpn lecturer, byk kot die tolong. lg 2 group lak dpt lecturer yg strict. bkn 3 soaln, 6 soalan die bg. rs sgt, allah permudahkn utkku. rs dibantu sgt oleh allah..

then, baru2 ni.. lebey krg same, lwt anta prorocol bio. bknnye pe, isic kad rosak, xle nk print! tensi btol! so, g la wat muke x malu g jmpe lecturer(kali ni pompuan), kate nk anta lwt sket. coz kalo ade 3 black dot(black dot 2 slalu die wat utk bdk yg anta protocol lmbt & yg sewaktu dgnnye), kene amek credit test bio lak, accumulated 2 bai.. (da la EXAM chem nk dkt, EXAM bkn test). x psl2, kene studi bio yg byk2 tu, coz test kitorg wat every week(every subjek pn gitu) so, 1 bab je r. chem da la digembar-gemburkn senior sbg killer subject, mcm pure math kt ib nun. but anyway, to my pleasent surprise die bg & xde black dot lgsg!!yippe!!!  (k, fine, b4 dis penah gak anta prorocol lmbt. ;p) 

so, here i am, again, rs sgt2 dibantu olehNya, walopn kdg2 2 rs i dun even deserve it. ok, so lps ni jgn nk ngade2 procrastinate & study mls2. study kene smart+b'fokus(fb& blog jgn dibkk!) & jgn on da day nk anta bru cbok nk print la bagai. so lets all hope sy akan m'praktikknye ek~ daaa~

“Wahai anak Adam, sempatkanlah untuk menyembah-Ku maka Aku akan membuat hatimu kaya dan menutup kefakiranmu. Jika tidak melakukannya maka Aku akan penuhi tanganmu dengan kesibukan dan Aku tidak menutup kefakiranmu.

blur..

Saye slalu blur2 mase kelas, sian org yg sit beside me. Kalo tanye pape, slalu x dpt jwb. Compared 2 kmb, kt cni mmg ade mase utk blaja. Samada u blaja atau x. sumtime I manage 2 make myself proud, but sometime x. dok melagha lyn fb la, cite korea la, movie la.. haihh..Kdg2 da prepare da utk kelas, but still blur. =_=

my mum slalu tego, kalo nk jd doctor, kene alert dgn sekeliling. Ni, kalo sedare dtg umah soh tnjk jln kt jb pn xtaw, kononnya jrg ade kt umah, but still xkn 2 pn xtaw kott.. come on fatihah.. pastu, slalu sgt lupe brg. Smpai thp abah marah gle & said, “ni bkn t’lupe2 lg da, ni da jd habit” well, dad old habits die hard. K, not funny. This shouldn’t b taken lightly. So, pe solusinye? Everytime nk g mane2 or nk shopping, mesti ade list. Then, kenela work harder & ofkos work smart 2! 


U see, 4 medic student, study smart je is juz not enough. Kene study smart & hard. 
So, memndgkn awak ni (talking 2 myself) jenis x cpt sgt tgkp, prepare btol2 b4 klas so that u will know what the teacher is talking about. mase kt klas ok da, catat pe yg patut ble ckg ckp sume, tp pemahaman kureng~ the thing is, 2 yg plg pntg, phm mase klas! Hu3. 
so, lets hope saye m'praktikn sokusi ni secara b'terusan. aminn~

Hmmm, xtaw nape kt cni jd lg senyap(kdg2 la). Maybe bcoz its still new & maybe sy prefer gerak sendri. Yes, I noe, 2 have frens, we have 2 be 1. Bknnye xde kwn, ade je, girlz kn ramai. Tp mls nk ajak kuar same2 n stuff. Tp xtaw r, kt cni sy cm ssh utk jdorg yg tego dlu. Kalo org lain tego, sy blsla, kalo x, xla. Hu3. Xtaw nape, dari dulu slalu rase inferior nk tego org dlu. Lgpn kt cni x ramai melayu cm Malaysia kn. Hmmm, xpe la. Lame ok la 2. I think it’s a common thing when people feel dat they r alone n stuff, which they shouldn’t coz, u r nvr alone, coz allah is always by urside. (he3. Kebetoln lak dgr lagu maher zain) sgt2 ske dgn lagu die, make me feel tenang & sebak at da same time. 

bongeks~ =p

blah la wey!!! ko pehal??! stalker facebook, sile jgn wat aku m'carut. xpenah knl, wat2 knl lak.. ni aku hot ni, siap mengaku kekasih lak 2. bluekkk~ elok2 aku x lyn, jgn smpai aku maki hamun trus.. eee, bongek.. =p  da2, mls nk ckp byk2 tmbh lak dosa da sedia byk. out~  

czech mari

Ehem2. 1st post from Czech republic. ;p  Besela cm dak2 fly yg lain, byk gle bende nk cite ble dok kt bumi asing ni.

K, 1st thing 1st, mase nk fly 2, agak kelam kabut gak r. seyes ckp, geram pn ade,coz mara btaw last mnt. as in mlm ni nk fly, pg 2 br inform. Bapak r weyh!! Dok jb kot, cane dgn org yg dok penang. Atleast inform sehari, 2 lebey awal ke. K, fine they did say akan fly around dat date, but bested(ejen dak2 czech) make it sound like kitorg akan fly on da 20th, due 2 our late application bla3.. K, da2, mmg da ditentukn sy taw pg 2. Redha je r..

Da r pg 2 bru t’hegeh2 nk beli brg2(da beli da tp incomplete) cm beg galas! Ye, I can b kinda picky sumtime, tp rse cm m’bazirla beli beg yg I dun like, which mean I wont pakai.(sowi mum, juz sbr wif me ek, nanti sye fly da. Ha3. Alasan..) So, better beli yg I like, so dat I will pakai kn. So, pg 2 la g jusco. Ceh, mntg2 la kaya raye dpt dwet raye yg gilenye extra (which is most probably once in a lifetime), coz nk fly sume2 2 kn. Trus strait g kedai adidas. X b’kenan, g kedai nike lak. ye, fatihah sape xknl, mesti nk yg lawa je(ibuku, b’kata2). Orait mum, u choose. 

 
so, after a short n t’gesa2 trip 2 jusco beli brg2. Pack2 baju lak sume2(4 da 3rd time). Still x muat, xley lebey 30 kg. seyes xtaw nk buang yg mana. Rase cm sume nk bwk.hu3. then, kene kinda marah dgn abah, coz x siap2 pack lg (which I kinda c it coming, takot jam sume2, x psl2 lps flight. Nauzubillah. Merana thp gle2 daku nanti). Then, nk smpai klia. Stop jap kt petronas, coz obviously t’lebey berat.tp kali ini bkn sy yg mengeluarkn brg, tp kakitgn yg cekap lg tnpa belas kasihan mengeluarkn brg2 dri begku = mak, kakak & adik. Then, di klia lak. 2 kali kene kuarkn lg, coz still overweight. Mak ai, gle punye byk brg kene kuarkn, beg bru beli kt cs kene kuarkn dll.. T_T. sedey jap, bkn sbb nk fly, tp sbb byk my stuff kene tinggal. Hu3. Then, sesi amek gmba & ehem2 dpt dwet dri mara & sket dri anty. He3. Thanx2!

mknn mmg t'baik!

dak2 czech, dari 1 ke 8 org~

dlm MAS

Setibanye di bumi Czech, rase x caye msh menyelubungi dri(ayat skema jap di situ). Then, nature calls, menujula kte ke toilet. Skali mak ai, toilet xde air. Bygknla, utk pompuan ms time 2, mcm mana. T_T. k, org putih mmg x gune air, lantai siap ade karpet, marah lg kalo basah. Hu3.1st thing I learn ble smpai, jmbn xde air (by da hard way). Then, after dak jpa smpai. B’angkatla naik bs selama beberape jam dri bdr prague ke kg Olomouc.

1st day kt faculty, trus lecture anatomy. Holibka lak 2, terbaik~ mmg blur abes! Hahahahuhuhu. Bknnye pe, lame x tgk buku (pdhal x smpai 4 bln), xde slide lak 2. Die gune yg ley reflect kt skrin 2(astaga, xtaw lak pe name mende 2) & lukis sendri pkai tgn, xrujuk pape(sume dlm otak bai, underneath rambut putih yg x bp ade 2. Hey, bkn kutuk, tp kagum, senja2 pn, otak terbaik punya).

Then upacara angkat smph, ala setkt angkat tgn then g sentuh cm tiang thingy & we r officially student of faculty of medicine & dentistry of palacky university. Yess, spt yg dijangka, org putih di sini (ofkos r putih) tinggi2 & cun2 blako. Tp…. siapa bilang gadis melayu x menawan, x menarik hati.. eh2, tbe2. He2.

Batch kitorg unik sket, coz agak ramai which are 24(16 girlz, 6 boyz), compared 2 seniors yg plg ramai pn belas2 je. Ha, one thing nk ckp. Senior kt cni super friendly & helpful(I guess kt uk & Ireland pn gitu) but still, I’m soo touched. Ni baru allah nk tunjuk sket kebaiknnye melalui manusia,

resultku...

ok, da taw result.. frust sgt dgn econ, rasa cm ley dpt 6. hu3. then, i would have a better chance. pas2 pk chem ley dpt 6, malay ley dpt 7.ley dpt 36, pass requirement, nothing 2 worry. hu3. i dunno i juz can't help thinkin, what if, dpt ni,what if, what if... hu3. but i got 2 wake up man!! lom + tok lg kn, pliz ya allah, tolongla dpt a.. 

hu3. best sgt lagu maher zain ni.. insyaallah, we'll find our way. ha3. exactly at da rite moment, when i'm typing it, 2 yg dye nyanyi.

pas2, x gtaw pn mak abah lg. rasa semlm meronta2 nk cite kt mak,soh dye bgn. kol 2 pg?? hu3. i knew she would understand. but i juz don have da heart 2 tell her, abah lg r,owez konfiden in me. "sy taw, anak sy skor di saat akhir" he said 2 my mum.. hu3. i really3 like 2 do dat, trust me, i have tried my best, ofcoz mesti ade penyesaln di sini sana, but overall, i give it my best shot, 4 da last paper i slept at 5 am. rncg xmo tdo, tkot nanti lg ngantok & pening, tp t'tdo gak.. hu3

kol 1 da baring da ats katil, nk tdo awl spy dpt bgn awl,bgn awl, xnk lwt2 da... i need 2 change. tp nk dkt kol 3 xley tdo. t'guling sana, guling sini. thinking about my future. cane nk face famili kt kg, kwn2.. hu3. nk wat pmc yg 6 thn? bley ke? nanti dowg question lmbtnye fly... hu3. pliz, jgn buruk sangka. slalunye things r not like what u expected..

but at da same time, i'm so hepi 4 my fwens yg lps & perform wif flying colours. setkt ni, pkot, epul, acap & zaim.. congratz korg.. u guyz deserve it. ramai lg rsanye, ada mesti ebat gak.. congratz ada. i really do miss u. walopn i've been such a jerk, u sbr je. tenkiu so much..

i see u

I think it is important 2 not 2 get influenced easily by ur surrounding. Tp bese r,sbg manusia biasa we tend 2 b like dat, kdg2 tanpa kte sdr. If it is a good environment(environment I meant here t’msklah member2 kte, cara dowg, budaya sume2), then Alhamdulillah. But if its not.. hu3. 

I’ve always remind myself, jdla dri sendri, bcoz... errr, err..  Well, juz be urself k.. coz blh nmpk dat is juz not u, but ur pretending 2 b someone else. But ofkos, kalo yg baik 2 kte ikut. =) “Buang yg keruh ambil yg jernih baru teguh peribadi~”

 

sy mmg suke perhati org, xtaw nape. ;p Perangai manusia ni mmg b’aneka mcm & it made me think why they do this n dat sume2. then, kalo da taw die mcm mane, taw la cane nk b'gaul dgn die, i mean, kalo die mmg jenis ckp lps, xyah terasa coz die mmg mcm 2, kalo die x ske ditego ttg kesilapnnye ke, xyah tego direct, do it secara b'hikmah, mgkn tnjk cnth yg baik ke, dll.. insyaallah bkn nk judge pape, but juz ske perhati & insyaallah amik pengajarn la mane2 yg patot.But ofkos, itu sume hanyalah tekaanku semata2, I dunno da real thing right. Smpai kdg2 2, kene restrain diri dlm diam. “Jage mata, jage mata” coz pemerhatianku tdk terhad pd kaum hawa je. ;p Xmo org2 b’kenaan perasan saye usha(which I did, but not in such a way, well, u know what I mean kn?) tp ade je usha coz mmg cntk/smart. ;p jage mata, jaga hati. bese r manusia, mdh t'tarik pd yg cntk (allah pn ske yg cntk), tp cintaku & kesetiaanku hanya pd husbandku. eh, lari dr topik lak. ok, next2...

kalo kte pndg skali die cntk/hensem, tp kali ke2 tak. itu maknenye die cun dr segi fizikal, tp tdk dr segi akhlak. kalo 1st & 2nd time tgk die cntk/hensem bahkn makin sdp memandang, 2 maknanye die mmg cntk luar & dlm. Kalo 1st tgk x brape lawa/smart, tp 2nd time sejuk mata memndg. 2 maknanye, akhlaknye cntk cume mgkn fizikalnya sederhana. (dari hati naik ke mata! ngeh3) kalo 1st & 2nd tgk mmg x sdp mata mendg, maknanye pe? luar & dlm pn buruk. hu3. xtaw sape ckp, ke sy derive sendri. x ingat da. tp dari situ, daku blaja byk ttg kelakuan manusia & it really make feel interested 2ward psychology.

tbe2, t’ingat suatu ketika dahulu (x la lame sgt), when I do things bcoz of people. & I become so uneasy dat saye rase ntah pape sgt. Ok, x related sgt dgn kt atas ni. Mainly nk ckp psl ikhlas. When u do things, bkn sbb u btol2 nk (as in x ikhlas, t’paksa n stuff), perasaan sgt2 la xbest. *Ok, juz 2 inform, dis only concern about me, xtaw la org lain cane. N well slalunye, bende 2 x kekal, hanye sementara coz wat pn cm t’paksa kn.. hu2.

Da la, merapu je..

i'll be waiting 4 u..

semlm ade mix of feeling. mule2 hepi yg amat, pastu kecewa, last2 sedey but still glad+bahagia. i noe, cacamerba right? ha3. (kalo prasan, saye slalu tulis ha3, well, dats bcoz i like 2 laugh, like a lot. dats juz me)

anyway, i'm not da type yg make da 1st move. dunno y.. walopn thp angau gle2, senyum sorg2, ssh nk fokus & tdo. (pecy x penah jd) hahahahuhuhu..x slh pn kalo pompuan mule dlu kn, amek cth ct khadijah. but, i'm not as brave as her, dis is juz me. i guess i'm juz 2 shy & not konfiden enough.

lyn2~ lagu melayu ni best gak ek~ (br taw ke?)

love da 1 who love u, not da 1 u love

i used 2 believe in dat phrase. yela, kalo kte je yg dok syok kt org 2, tp org 2 xde  rase pape pn kt kte.. bahagiakah?? so, i thought if i be with da person who loves me, maybe he would make me happy. 

tp lps bace blog org psl mende ni, kte yg sebenanya selfish. die dok b'ia2 love2(ok, nk sebut pn cm geli, dunno y) kte, tp we can't return 2 him da same feeling. hati ni xleh dipaksa2. walopn org 2 da cukup sume ciri2 yg kte nk, tp xtaw nape xleh nk wat hati ni ske kt die, like really2. &  i don want 2 jump into a relationship atas dsr simpati or sbb nk ade some1 je. trust me, dat will not end well. walopn org kate cinta leh dipupuk, well dat's goes specially for married couple, cm org dlu2. x penah knl b4 kawen, tp still togede2 smpai b'cucu cicit. but looking at my age, i dun think i'm heading 2wards dat direction yet (tp jodoh di tgn tuhan kn. ha3). anyway, if i wanna b in a relationship, biala saye btol2 ske kt die & he feels da same way. now dat's mutual & x selfish. he2. ye, nk tunggu mgkn take time. tp xpe, i'll wait. even if nk kawen bru jmpe. maybe its da best 4 me, after all, allah knows da best right. ;)

lg 1, sy penah ckp sy ni cpt jeles kalo bab2 ni. really?? (sendr ckp, sendr x ngaku). ha3. maybe, but not 2 much, juz a lil bit & slalunye juz keep it 2 myself. xmo r cite2 kt org, x psl2 org nyampah lak. ish2(jgn sangka buruk). anyway, if my special some1 really loves me, mesti die x wat things yg make me sedey right, so watpe nk cite sal hal remeh temah cm jeles, juz keep it 2 urself. besides, jeles 2 kn tanda syg. ha3. sori, mood jiwang t'lebey lak lately, xtaw nape. ;p

nape post sal love2 ni. bese la jiwa remaja, tipu la kalo xde rs nk syg & disygi (tulis, tp geli plak). sbr ye jiwa muda, kalo ade, ade la. kalo xde, nk wat mcm mane.. juz leave it to Allah. lgpn skang ni kn tgh study, prioritize pliz..

too tight

if we grab something too tight, we'll might lose it. mcm pegang telor. ok, bru jd td.. telor 2 cm melekat kt bekas die (tgh lapa ni kn, nk msk bekfes), tarik punya tarik. tgk2 pecah.. ish3. kenela lap, amek tisu, bks tisu pn koyak. t'lebey force ke?

so, those 'events' brought me here. rs cm leh apply kt dlm idop. if we're too clingy 2 someone, we might, juz as well lose them. so, b'pada2la~ 

da abes marah? (kesinambungan post ketdkpuasan atiku)

hu3. 2 la dye jdnye masa tgh marah gle2. mmg x pk psl perasaan org lain da. x pk akan rasionalnye, akn impaknye kalo melepskn kemarahan 2. walopn x regret sgt, coz lega gak kdg2 lps.

mntg2 la dgn adek bradik. xtaw nape, sbb da bese sgt kot dgn dorg. kalo dgn kwn2, jrg gle gado..

ok, kene stop by 7, kene gosok bju n siap2 g ngaji.

lets make it short & simple. hu3. sowi 4 being short minded. mmg xley tarik blk, cannot rewind. i guess, it juz exploded. hu3. ms tgh hidai bju rasa mcm byk nk tulis, tp mse tulis ilang plak. mcm 2 plak, pas ni teringat2 lg psl nk b'blog. especially msa solat. ish3. kena khusyuk k..

so sowi.. i've come 2 my senses now. btol r, masa tgh hot menggelegak 2, jgn kaco, mmg xley think strait, masa 2 mmg pk psl ktenye marah je.. ble da sejuk sket br ok. da 1 thing i like about myself is dat i've owez ade reflection after every incident. like wani said. he3. tp 2 r, setkt kesedarn je, tp action kureng.. xpe2, try lg. never give up k.. again, sowi... i'll try 2 make it up 2 u tomorrow sis, sending u back feeling worse is da last thing i want 2 do..

ustazah2...

i like dis one. di saat tgh emo2 kt umah+konflik dlmn(menyampah-rase-ntah-pape-pd-dri-sendri). jap, don get me wrong, sy sgtla hepi dok umah coz b'same famili(i'm a famili gurl la), cume emo2 ni kt dlm diri je la. at least, ade gak something utk make me feel a lil bit better about myself.
it all started dlm kete mase benti kt petronas. mak mmg taw, sy nk cari keje coz nk ade duit. boring kot dok t'perap je kt umah all day long. nk gak shopping2, jln2 cari husband eh cari mkn..

i so don want 2 ask money from mak, coz taw its not something yg perlu pn.. then, mak cdgkn jd tenaga pengajar kt tpt ngaji ilin & aiman. it really took me by surprise.. mmg la dlu, i used to teach adek2 ngaji kt tmn melati(b4 g balik pulau), siap ade buku kedtgn, yela kalo dowg ponteng, sedikitla gajiku, so make sure dowg x ponteng! he2. ceh, mcm lyk sgt nk ajar2 org. cuma mase 2, ustzh kt apartmen kenari(rmh kitorg at dat time, skang da sewakn kt org)da pndh &; kebetulan sy baru khatam. pastu, grateful gak coz ade g skola agama ptg2, where i learn tajwid, sirah sume2. tp smpai drjh 5 je, drjh 6 xnk amek pekse, nk fokus kt upsr(kononnye).

so, mlm 2 g la tpt ngaji 2. 1st time g tpt ngaji yg mcm organize. i mean sewa lot kedai, (bkn kt rmh sndr) ade kad peninjauan harian(bkn mothly /yearly), bace muke surat mane, surah mane, lancar mane(siap ade rank  1-10) sume2.. my mum mmg kate johor, bab agama ok gak r. owh, baru ku tahu. tp jb mlm2, x ubah cm kl gak. hu3. anyway, g la utk interbiu.cuak 2 xyah ckp r. kt umah da siap2 gosok & pkai bju kurung, tudung sume2, tp xmo msk kete. takot woo, ntah pe bntk interbiu die nanti. hu3. rupe2nye, it wasn't dat bad. mmg ustzh zaharah nk cri org nk mengajar pn.yg pntg die kate b'minat & leh bg komitmen. but ofkos, die tanyela tajwid sume2, ngaji dpn die. tp yg bestnye, ustzh ckp, "awk blh mengajar smbl blaja'' =) pastu soh isi borg peribadi, sijil spm & mane2 sijil yg patot. sijil lak, i mean copy sijil.(b'minat sgt smpai nk bg sijil spm ori kt uszth. ha3. yo'o je..)

jd, b'mula suda kerjaku. mlm2ku diisi dgn aktiviti yg lebih m'dtgkn redha allah(insyaalah). ms 1st time dipanggil ustzh 2, mmg rase something. x pecaye+bangga+takot sume ade. but syukur everything went smoothly.

yg xle bla, pe'el dak2 ni. kebetoln dpt ank murid sume laki. coz dowg asing laki pompuan, but still in da same room yg bsr la. mak ai, nkl sungguh! xle dok diam, adek sendiri, si aiman 2, mmg x heran la, xle dok diam, pns bontot katenye(ok, dis part sy tmbh). b'lari sana sini. mule2, cm segan & takot nk marah dowg. tp mmg kena marah, kalo x, haram nk dok diam. nsb baik ade anak ustzh, si firdaus 2 yg monitor things. di tgnnye, t'siap sedia rotan. tp setkt pukol2 dinding & manja2 kt dak2 tu soh diam. form 1 da khatam, tgk pn baik bdknye, x byk ckp tp ley je gurau2 dgn dak2 lain, muke pn sweet. kalo la anakku mcm ni. eh, lari topik. anyway, dowg ni mmg ske b'ckp.ustzah2, dorg gado, ustzh2 nk g tnds,ustzh2 die xnk kwn dgn saye. ha3. lawak sey~

ps: sebenanye nk ltk gmba dgn anak2 muridku, tp x bwk kamera (henfon pn x bwk ni kamera), so xde lgsg gmbaku b'sama mereka(yg in my possesionla). comel sgt dowg, ustazah akn rindu korg~ he2

ketdkpuasan atiku..

Nk bkk blog sendri pn xleh, msa crucial mcm ni r gunenye blog nk luahkn rasa ati yg tgh meluap2 ni. (t'lupe password, typical me, sume lupe) tp da bley, so bia jela..

Kalo ade kakak, maybe bley cite..

Btolla, kte akan g kt org yg phm je perasaan kte utk let it out. If kte da taw dye jenis akn oppose pe yg kte ckp, kte xkn g kt org 2. Ofcoz di time2 mcm ni, kte akan g pd org yg kte rasa akan mengerti perasaan kte. Nk g pd org baik, mesti dye akn nasihat je. Duuh!! rite now, I feel sick of nasihat (I dunno when did I become dis rebellious) Hu3. 

I’m in a stage of my life, where I am really3 unstable..

Ni r zmn kejthn ak. fyi, ak hanya gune ak ble ak btol2 marah. (exception ble ckp dgn laki, mmg gune ak ko dgn dorg) Ak taw, kadang2 ade je org mcm kata ngada/geli gune kte awk. Well, dat's me, & I WONT CHANGE 4 ANYBODY!!! plg x suke if people always telling me what 2 do.. Duuhhh, taw r nk watpe.  Elok2 nk wat, pastu g soh2 lg. mmg kancel trus nk wat. 

Ak taw setan tgh cucuk ak gle2 skang. But, nk gak say something. Bcoz dis kind of things ssh nk cite kt org. bkn dye phm pn.. mesti r kte nk org side kt kte ble kte story2, tp kalo xtaw da real thing, da whole thing, korg leh ckp pe. ingat lg dlu, ssh gle nk open up kt org. 

Sori 2 say.. mmg skang plg benci dri sendri. Hey, I am myself worst critic. nobody critic me lg dasyat dr ak. Its been a long time , x marah2 cani.

Hu3. Y?3 did u become like dis? Taw je, sbb xle solat kot, so ssh sket nk kwl nafsu + emo t'lebey2, dgn setan yg sedia ada yg x abes2 nk rosakkn ak. But  although da taw sume 2, still mcm ni. Pliz la, rsa mcm x larat asik kutuk diri sendri. I don’t really think that high of myself. Esp sejak msk kmb ni. sepatotnye jd makin baik,tp mkn terok. 

Nape xley jd aten yg dlu, solat khusyuk, awal waktu, xrasa berat pn nk wat solat hajat, wat perkara sunat. Rajin jaga umah. Da 1 who never disappoint her parents, siblings, fwens, org sekeliling & mostly dri sendri. Skang asik mengecewakn everybody , dri sendri da most. I have so much expectation towards myself. So much I want 2 do, good things. 1st time org komplen psl sikap kt umah, 1st time, kene pggl sbb result terok. 1st time I feel so damn mad to myself, like hell! Ah, lntk r, juz want 2 get it all out.

pliz la..rs da penat buat azam, slalu sekejap2 je.. pliz3. I don wan 2 be dis loser person….

k da2, g hidai bju, gosok bju & mndi..

in kmb~

kolej mara banting

seyes ckp, first2 dpt taw dpt klj, agak dissappointed r di situ. see, i kind of have dis thought dat yg g kolej ni loser je, & da good ones r sent 2 da univercities. huih, how wrong was i..

ni ms awl2 gak r, rs cm lps orientasi kot?

di surau~ smbl dgr ceramah, smbl amek gmba. multitasking, ib learner profile kn ;)

i can remember clearly da 1st day in kmb, like it was juz yesterday(ok, not exactly like yesterday, but u get my point rite?) ms msk kmb xtaw pn da smpai, tgk bangunan ingatkn "owh, juz another cikai building along da street" rupa2nye, amek ko, ni r kmb! ib world school. ms 2 xyah ckp r, mmg x penah dgr pn pe mende r ib ni.. nk eja ib pn surprisingly susah. tp xpe, tgh semangat kn br lps dpt result spm. dak yg nk msk kmb mana x hepi dgn result dowg(maybe ade, wallalhualam, but 4 me, mmg allah nk bg, syukur sgt2)

k, nk cite psl feeling2 ni..

x dinafikn ms sem 1 bley thn semangat gak r nk studi. b4 klas baca dlu, wat omwork on time, x r last minit sume2.. ceh, kire mcm bes r feeling masa 2, rasa teratur.. However, nk2 exam sem 1, xtaw nape, dicampakkn pula rasa malas. kononnya da studi awl2, da kureng sket semgat nk studi b4 exam. pahal ms ni r plg crucial. then, result pn mcm ....(isi tpt kosong) haih..."tp xpe, nikn 1st sem, xtaw format paper lg, pulun utk next sem lak'' (nk sdpkn hati)

 sile pecy yg skang i da ade purple belt, juz b4 coklet belt (bkn slalu daku riak)

miss being around these sweet people~

ni time class based

fantastic 5!! =)

2 la dye permulaan pertapakan virus, penyakit, disease b'nama "malas" dlm diri nurul fatihah binti zainudin ni. at dat time, begituku m'agung2kn zmn kegemilanganku di mrsm balik pulau (k, fine not dat gemilang but it was better than in kmb, so i thought..) masa kt mrsm terbalik sket cite dye. mula2 msk 2 mcm malas sket. ye r, tgk dak2 ni g prep tdo, nk gak r tdo.. eh, kuat t'pengaruh gak i ni, dgn sekeliling. then, ade streaming. & i'm not selected 2 be in da elite class. t'cabar jua keakademikanku(hentam je guna istilah ni, mcm bley msk je). start from there, mmg studi x henti2, masa riadah & even masa kt surau tunggu org solat pn natap buku. pastu dinaikkn semangat oleh kakak yg jaga my blok, yg mmg rajin gle2 & not 2 mention very comel, slalu ranked 2nd in her batch! legend2.. so, sem seterusnye, with His will, dpt r msk klas elite 2.. he3. puas hatiku. then, semangatku utk studi mkn b'kobar2.

suria da best!! (tyme mrsm leklau la)

muke2 nk g mkn free~ ngeh3

b'bbq di hari2 akhir

Mmg slalu t'pk di kepala otakku, "why can't i be mcm kt mrsm dlu? semangat nk studi mmg sentiasa ade" tp kt kmb, masyaallah, liatnye nk bkk buku.. kuat tdo plak 2, kuat mkn xyah ckp r(perkara normal kot kt kmb, ha3 =p) xtaw nape, dlm pale ingat nk wat omwork je, tp x cube nk baca dlu, coz takot x smpt. ib kn x t'duga, ade je meeting last minit, then ble exhausted(pnt r sgt) mlm 2, t'tdo, bgn pg esok, gelepor x siap omwork.. hu3. ssh gak nk khusyuk semayang. but then again, can't blame it on others, jelas2 menunjukkn ketdkcekpan dri megurus masa. mmg lain sgt2 dr tyme spm. masa spm, cara blaja mmg terus terang m'hapal je, dok pehe pong, m'hapal je.. Tp nk hapal pe dlm math HL?! hah, kena setempek! Then nk dkt pekse ib r, br dpt cara blaja yg btol. i mean, selama ni, ble revise(slalunye ble ade test je r) cuma refer ib guide je, utk bio bley r thn, tp chem, nk dkt final ib, br nmpk betapa bestnye nota mr.lim masa kt klas. hu2. tp xpe, 2 nsb baik taw, kalo xtaw lgsg, lg parah kn.. dats another thing i've learned in kmb, everything yg berlaku mesti ade hikmahnye. cume kte rajin nk pk ke x..

its like a self discovery. dont ever compare urself with another. u have 2 noe urself, so, nk tulis sket r what i have discovered to be my studying method:

• b4 studi, sila plan dlu nk studi, kol bape sume2. mcm target r.. crucial gle utk da nite b4 exam, 2 make sure u finish all da syllabus. kalo x, jd mcm dlu, terlebey fokus on da unimportant part smpai u miss 2 cover thoroughly da important part.
• dont read anything new on da day of exam. itulah usefulnye method di atas ni. masa ni cume utk scan da whole thing. ha, so prepare urself a nice summary notes.
• pliz make cross reference msa studi. don juz depend on 1 material, insufficient kot!
• u cannot juz read, sile wat aprropriate latihan. kalo x smpt, baca. pandai2 r k.. but make sure u UNDERTSAND(kalo bley nk underline, bold, highlight dis word, superpowerful word when ur studying ib)
• hmm, pe lg ek.. ha, ofkos, don ever studi last minit, kalo lmbt lg nk exam pn xpe, repetition will do u good in da future =)

note 2 self : sile refer 4 ur future study

2 je r, takat ni. nanti pnjg2 sgt, x best plak..

intro + a lil bit of homie..

hmm, assalamualaikum..

for starters, juz wanna share da reason y i've created dis blog.

dr kmb lg, ati ni meronta2 nk luahkn perasaan t'pendam (k, abaikn keskemaan ayat di situ). then, sj ble org wat fb, sebok gak nk wat, ble org wat blog nk gak wat blog. heh2 (x nk buta it r konon) & as an alternative to channel my feelings in (hopefully) da right way.. kalo asik pndm je, x healthy 4 my liver (kalo wat diari nanti dok takot org bc, private kot psl feeling2 ni) tp blog ni mcm interesting utk u express ur feeling without exposing it to much. u noe what i'm sayin?

k, cukup r mukadimah 2..

actually nk story2 sket about my attitude at home, which i myself mmg x b'kenan. but see, dats my problem, i owez noe, owez realise what i've done wrong, what i should've not done, what my responsibilities r & yg sewaktu dgnnyer.. but my action reflects otherwise.hu2. sometimes i hate myself so bad, i dunno what to do, i juz go 2 sleep! (hey, dat is my way of releasing stress) ble tdo, i can forget everything & most of da time when i'm awake, x r rasa setensi b4 tdo.

ckp psl tdo, ini r yg mengundang "semburan2" dr org2 rumah, esp my mum. every detik, ade je keinginan nk minx maaf coz da disappoint dye, but i'm afraid, if i do so, she will expect me not to do it again, which is something i can't guarantee. hu3

everytime blk sebenanya, ade je list of things dat i've b'azam nk wat. most of them concerns not disappointing my parents. dont get me wrong, i didn't do anything dat offenses them, its dat da things i didn't do yg upset me, which i strongly believe leads to their dissappoinment.. hu2. no need to go in details, tp cukup r katakn, perangai malas ku mkn m'jd2 sjk dok kmb ni (trying so hard not 2 blame it on kmb, which i will spill on u da details later, on another post)

but, there's no place like home! rumahku syurgaku r katakn..

mmg, sape yg xske dok umah, esp ble da abes ib, time is no longer a barrier. heh2. blh wat ske ati, tdo tnpa rasa b'slh, on9 tnpa rasa m'bazir waktu, xyah lg plan nk studi pe, omwork pe sume2.. hilang woo tensi2 ib ni. ah, heaven dunia.. nama pn dunia, ofkos r, sementara. so, i'm gonna enjoy every single second of it. tdo, mkn, on9, rutin harian.. ha2. bes bai..

tp x dinafikn, boring gak r dok terperap je kt umah. da r, abah cabut astro, coz katanya dpt tb singapore. pahal, sbb xde org sgt kt umah (jimat ni) & aiman upsr thn ni, ilin lak pmr thn dpn. ha2. blaja korg, jgn x blaja! he2. but, no worries, daku ade backup plan. telahku kumpul byk movies & korean series utkku lyn di rumah. setkt ni, my girl, boys over flower & hanaza..kimi.. (ntah pape ntah tajuknye, tp cite dye seyes best & lawak) sudah ku khatamkn. muahaha.. sepatotnye, khatamkn quran tp khatamkn lain, insyaallh yg itu pn tergetku juga..

eh, i have to stop now, nanti cite byk2 smpai ble x abes. kuat b'cerite jugak i ni ek.. (sori x bese guna sy, kalo rasa geli guna i, jgn r gitu.. he2. daku mmg begini, ske mix2 sket englsh dgn malay, tp hrp x broken english r, tp kalo ade clap sket2, buat2 x nmpk je la ye. =p)