moving on

am glad

i've done something i'd never thought i would. something risky....




well, atleast for me.

however, i wasn't as hurt as i thought. maybe bcoz i was too prepared for it? wallahhualam.

maybe bcoz i'm so used to running away, i thought that confrontation was something out of my reach, out of my capability. (over the top, i know)

but now, i've done it! i've faced my problem! although the result weren't in my favour, surprisingly i'm allright. like seriously, i'm ok. i don't feel crying, i feel absolutely relieved actually. heh. i feel like i can face anything now, datangla masalah pe pun, i can face it! (ok, over lg sekali, sorry)

oh, SALAM MAAL HIJRAH! in which i think come just at the right moment. just when i needed to move on the most. sudah2la dengan kalau ini, kalau itu. just move forward. i mean it JUST MOVE FORWARD. (ye, kena ulang & di'caps lock'kn) this however, doesn't mean that i'll forget everything that had happenned, but rather than menyesal-non-stop-thinking-u-can-do-better-blablabla i'd like to take pengajaran from all of it. promised myself that i wont ever make that same mistake. always be thankful with what i have now and always know that everything happened for a reason. 

u know what, i think i'm getting better at telling people what i feel. i mean, meluahkn perasaan yg terbuku, instead of just keeping it to yourself, which can drive u crazy. *ayat xle blah. i can open up to people better now. and i'm quite happy about that *pat myself in the back. mcm adik kata "luahkan je sampai habis, sampai takde apa da tinggal" and it really did me good. thanxla sis! ;)

dalam hati ada taman. heh

All time favourites. apparently masih suka layan lagu jiwang. heh

just so happens, semuanya black people yg nyanyi. suara diorang memang lemak berkrim. seryes.
my lullaby(s) for tonight

taktaw nak bagi tajuk apa

hai. lama x berblog. teringin jgk kadang2 tu nak berblog, tapi malas. hu2. banyak je mende nak cite. tapi takde mood or takde masa. ceyyy, macam bz sangat je kata takde masa. but true in a sense that i rather use my precious time to sleep, spend 'quality time with my family', layan kpop & kdrama dan ye facebook. you see, sekarang i tengah keje kat farmasi, 9 jam or more 6 hari seminggu, so besela macam orang bekerja yang lain, penat. heh. dekat je dengan rumah, jalan kaki tak sampai 5 minit. jimat duit transport & makan(kadang2 bawak bekal). takde uniform (tapi macam bakal ada. tak suka T_T), pekerja semua perempuan and surau, tandas semua ada. oh, bazar/pasar malam pun depan farmasi je (really come in handy time pose ari tu). lepas tu everyday mingle dengan ubat (bukak dictionary farmasi, u know familiarise yourself dengan kandungan ubat & what it does etc..) kira macam its the perfect-tengah-berhenti-belajar-sekejap-tapi-bakal-sambung-belajar-semula-job for me. although, i'm not gonna lie. its been pretty rough at the beginning. kena marah dengan senior sebab lambat catch up, kena tengking dengan bos sebab tak fulfil expectation die, kena hadap supllier & customer yang gatal, gaji tak berapa nak lumayan, cuti seminggu sekali, and a few fussy customer. biasala tu kan, adat bekerja.

what i found out was, stress bekerja & stress belajar sangatlah lain. and personally, i prefer stress belajar. *sekarang tengah tengok hana kimi versi korea(to the beautiful you), baru episod 1. rasa macam rindu sangat perasaan first2 daftar kat uni, reloading barang kat bilik baru, jumpa roomate baru, getting ready to class, meeting new friends and BELAJAR BERSUNGGUH2. seryes kangen bangettt...

yyep  minho(shinee) & sulli(fx) are the main reason why i watch this. lagipun hana kimi(jepun) lawak & best gile kottt. kira episod 1 ni okla. skang jarang tengok kdrama, sebab lambat sangat storyline die, lagi suka tengok variety macam we got married, running man etc. blh tgk perangai sebenar dorang & more spontan, and ofkos lagi lawak. hihi 

besok patutnya nak gi sunway pyramid jumpa irah si pengantin baru. (sedih sangat ok tak dapat gi wedding die kat terengganu, dah plan dah dengan jiha nak naik bas sume2. abah2, ari tu saya balik dari czech transit kat istanbul ke malaysia,sorang2 selamat je. ni nak pegi terengganu je pun tak bagi, siap ada kawan teman lagi. hu3. kalau keluar, balik lepas maghrib sikit je pun da masam muka. but, i guess that's just proves he cares so much about me, us, yela anak semua pompuan, yang laki tu baru nak tukar suara. ehem). nak sangat jumpa member2 study, tapi sunway macam jauh sangat, perjalanan je nak lebih sejam, tu belum kena tunggu bas bagai. aigooo. i guess. pagi besok kena call die la, confirmkan cane, maybe tukar venue ke.


moving on, as u all know, sekarang musim kawen. banyak gila invitation kawen. and honestly, it sucks actually going to weddings knowing that ur single. dont get me wrong, suka sangat gi wedding, seryesly hepi sangat dapat jumpa kawan, hepi utk kawan yang akan menjalani fasa baru dlam hidup die, its just that, well, i dont have everything figured out macam diorang. diorang akan habis belajar then have a stable job dengan gaji yang memuaskan and they already have someone sekufu untuk spend the rest of their happy life. insyaallah. and of course they deserve it. what i'm feeling now is not envy, its inferior. (oh god, so sorry for my deteriorating english. it just comes naturally. i'm literally writing down my thoughts which kadang2 dalam english berterabur). but really, sekarang i need to focus untuk sambung belajar. u dont know how much i wanted to prove to myself that i'm not this loser person who kept being sedih about kena balik. u dont know how i longed to be proud of myself. to actually say i'm not embarrassed of myself. aishh, drama lagi. belum lagi masa untuk fikir pasal jodoh (eventhough i always do) berhenti berharap and seriously just do your best in everythng you do. yoshhhh! (tak habes2 nak motivatekan diri sendiri).

sorila macam entri budak skema, besela lama tak berblog. heh. peace

random

# i love pisau tajam

# i get bored easily, but i never get bored of apple XD

# suka guna smileys kat skype, coz die gerak2

# my laptop desperately needs a cooler pad (waiting for pc fair, bulan 4 maybe??? nak yang murah jugak, biala biala)

# dengar lagu sentimental sambil makan coklet, memang layan~

# nak earfon in-ear kaler putih. xmau headphones sebab suka bawak tdo & masa jog tak jatuh *eceh jog pun bape kali je 

# kalau angau, memang dasyat -_- but, nobody ever knew *bangga

# in a lookout for mp3

# tarian kpop sangat susah tapi sangat kreatif. takpe, practice makes perfect

# sangat minat dengan us dramas, always one step ahead. expect the unexpected 

# susah nak tido. banyak sangat fikir. kadang2, opt untuk distract kepala dengan layan movie, sampai exhausted baru boleh tido 

# tak sabar nak tengok breaking dawn part 2!!!!

# i adore peti ais besar (kat czech kecik kot freezer die)

# how can you not love romantic comedy???

self monologue

I hate the fact that i can’t easily open up to people. I hate that i find it very hard to tell people what i really feel, macam mende yang tak puas hati. When i know, it’ll all can easily be sorted out with effective communication. Tapi suuuusaaaaaaaaaaaah sangat ayat tu nak keluar dari mulut. Lama fikir nak cakap macam mana supaya orang tu tak terasa atau kecil hati. Dari rasa marah jadi rasa sedih sangat, sebab asyik pendam rasa marah tu, tahan setahan-tahannya kerana bagiku its a very small matter. No need untuk menjerit marah2 about it. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, i really believe kalau dapat luahkan akan rasa relieved. I mean i’m not a mind reader, nobody is. How would people know, if you dont tell them.

Tapi kenapa susah sangat nak cakap?????? Bile finally da bole cakap, tak sempat nak smpaikan tujuan kita cakap, suara tersekat, mata basah.  I wish i can be like when i’m writing, like now.

Arghhhh, Get a grip!!!!!

I really need to do something about this. i can’t help but think that the past ‘incident’ banyak mempengaruhi my current mental state, because i dont remember being this sensitive.

Feeling a bit better lepas da luahkan. next time try to do it with real people. let people in!

Sorry, it seems like kat sini je i can really let it all out, for now. I’m expecting improvement from myself, but really, it takes time

give and take

Darn it! Why am i so sensitive??? i'll work on it. Though i can't promise anything, i can promise you that i'll try my best. just give me some time, please. sorry and thanx

p/s : respect is something mutual. so, please. peace

bosan

why do i find lelaki kecek klate to be attractive? *ok,totally random. anyway, dok rumah mmg best. dok dengan FAMILI sangat best. dengan mak yg suke cakap sarcastic in a funny kinda way, dengan ayah yang makin berusia makin penyayang (lol), kakak yang garang but kalau baik,baik gile, younger sis yang berbakat main mimik muka & suara and 'baby' bro yang pandai tapi malas. heh. beside the fact that bebi (my 1st younger sis) tgh studi kt uitm (which explains why i miss her so much around the house) everything seems perfect, feels so homey...

ishhh, geram

lol

macam surau kat istanbul. seryes

need i say more? co-mel-ness

ha3. muka nak seryes

setiap masa ade je bende nak gelak, ade je adik yang perlu dileter untuk dikemas bilik dan dibuat homeworknya, ade je kerja rumah (as in literally kerja yang perlu dibuat di rumah not the kind kerja sekolah-yang-perlu-dibawak-balik-ke-rumah-but-u-obviously-already-know-that-and-i-dont-know-why-im-still-writing-all-of-this-down). tapi when they leave for school and work, i am left all alone... *sambil terbaring kesayuan. seryesly, terbaring kesayuan. ehem

mula-mula boleh tahan lagi. alaaaa, internet kan ada.... tapi lama-lama sape tak bosan baiii... u get the point right.

bolela tahan... aiman hakim tu, i mean cite vanila coklat ni

so, sekarang saya amat-tersangat BOSAN. nak cari kerja, 1st try ari tu kat kedai esprit (because its the only kedai yang takde uniform, ye saya tak suka kerja yang kena pakai uniform baju & tudung 'tuck in') punya la payah nak gather up courage untuk tanya orang tu, bila da pi tanya (kena paksa dengan adik) tengok2 amoi tu cakap die nak orang yang berpengalaman je. so, dengan muka cover malu berjalan la keluar dari kedai tersebut. pastu nampak je kedai 'branded' ade iklan kerja terus teringat incident kena 'reject', panas rasa muka. masa balik naik lrt lak, ade minah ni die punya duit tercicir, mesti duit tambang lrt coz dalam 2, 3 ringgit. tapi boleh tak, masa nak buat bende yang mulia dan sepatutnya iaitu tegur pompuan tu duit die jatuh, boleh plak malu.. haihhhh, kena sound dengan adek lagi. i dont know what's wrong with me. nak buat bende betol pon malu, tu yang post kat facebook "malu biar bertempat, sombong biar bertempat". reminder buat diri sendiri. -_-

it really works. ce try 

menarik kn. lol

so, still dalam proses mengusha kedai2 yang ade iklan kerja yang takde uniform. so, in the mean time saya pun menyambung my state of being bosan. bosan punya bosan, pergi edit profile sket2 kat facebook(dah kata bosan). rasa macam nak delete je 'friends' yang tak kenal, sebab yang keluar kat home mostly yang tak kenal, whattta?? bosan lagi... pergi update blog. pergi update status kat skype or ym. oh, sebab saya takde twitter. dulu tempted gak nak buat twitter, tapi masa study dulu kan kena study, so takot it'll distract me too much. facebook pun berjam, apatah lagi ade twitter, ye dak. so, status kat skype and ym la my tweets. i think its better that way, because its more private.i dont want EVERYONE to know pe yang saya meroyan, ye dak. but, this doesn't mean, saya tak suka twitter, ramai je yang ade kan, by all mean, do tweet all u want, after all posting status adalah hak milik setiap insan, maybe its just not for me, yet. ye, kena tambah 'yet'. sebab da banyak kali jadi. when you say for eg "i dont like sushi, its not for me", tengok2 sekarang, suka gila sushi. walaupun masa tu kita kata dengan konfidentnya kata tak suka sushi, tapi in the future, suka gila and bila teringat balik, i can't help but to smile. you really, will never know what will happen in the future, seryesly.

p/s: (nk jgk p/s untuk every ending ek, can't help it, really) please jangan cepat jump to conclusion, at least TRY to get the truth first. (one of my recent 'tweets')