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"arina, kte da ready"

took me quite a long time 2 say that. namun, sy msh & sgt b'syukur allah telah mengetuk pintu hatiku utk menyahut seruan jihadnya (semula). selama ni, diri ni sdr je.. akan kewajipan sh (shahadatul haq) & akan perlunya mengucapkn 'sayonara jahiliyyah". jujur ku katakn sh & sj merupakn antara 'penyebab' sy lari. lari?? ye, sy lari. sbb sy XNK meninggalkn jahilliyyah. hu3. but u see, the worst part is, i still commit those jahilliyyah, eventhough I KNOW. terok gile kn? but still, hati msh enggan meninggalkn jahiliyyah, coz ianya seronok. bak kata member, dosa mane x seronok? heh. but, seronok 2 sekejap je. coz later, akan rase b'slh & when u r doing it, u don't want others 2 know, u hide it. hati x tenteram. mmg sah2, terang lg b'suluh, perasaan2 adalah tanda2 wat dosa. hu3.even smpai 1 thp yg i think i was worse than b4 i had tarbiyyah. hu3. & it keeps haunting me, that i have been better in terms of my iman, my amal,  & even my study. what could be worse than berubah m'jd lebih teruk dr yg baik, instead of from teruk kpd baik. but still, knowing all of this, sy masih begitu. instead of facing my problems,i run from it. mls nk fikir. hu3.i keep all of this 2 myself.x cite pn kt sape2. & part of me know why. bcoz i know people will give me some solution, tp  takot sy yg xnk wat solusi 2. ha3. (bole gelak plak =_=)

dulu ms dpt 'sume' ni di kmb, x dinafikn pd mulanye begitu merasakn indahnye islam. namun, lama kelamaan, setelah diamanahkn dgn tanggungjwb, hati mula ragu2, mula lelah.. syaitan mula m'bisikkn.. pelbagai rase yg timbul... penat, insecure, inferior. even p'soalan spt, layak ke aku nk menyampaikn? mampu ke nk smpaikn pd famili? smpai ade thp takut nk blk ke rumah. takut x thn dugaan, takut memilih famili instead of allah. 

dlm masa yg sama, godaan2 dunia makin menarik2ku ke arah jahilliyyah. jahiliiyyah? pe 2? simple, ia adalah  anything selain islam. t'ingat kata2 roomate, ape2 yg kite buat, biarlah dpt m'dktkn diri dgn allah. yeah, maybe 2 some people, ayat ini biasa didengar. even 4 me, da penah dgr da b4 dis, bezanye samada meninggalkn kesan di hati ataupn x. & i was lucky enough 2 be given dat feeling (again)

p/s: housemate slovek psg lagu kuat gle mcm kt disco, sbr je la. time2 kite xnk dgr da sume 2. =_=

bila difikir2 blk, sy x la minat sgt dgn lagu2 lagha ni dlu. yeah, t'pengaruh dgn sekeliling. xnk rase ketinggalan, not-up-2-date dgn lagu2 t'baru. even movie2 pn, hidup je x tgk dlm seminggu bahkn nk dkt sethn ms dok kt mrsm. now i know, sebab sy bole blaja dgn khusyuk & tenang time spm dulu. coz sy jauh dr jahiliyyah2 ni. sigh~

of course, i am not expecting this road 2 be easy. at times, ade je tendency utk kembali pd jahiliyyah2 tu. kena MUJAHADAH! also, masa 2 la pentingnya support sistem. & again i am blessed enough 2 have it here, di mana sy dikelilingi oleh rakan2 yg saling mengingati ke arah kebaikn. also, bzkn diri by doing something relating 2 islam & allah. bykkn amal2 sunat mcm solat duha & tahajjud, bace quran & ma'thurat, reading islamic blog & sites. dgr lagu islamic also helps. all of this can really help in boosting ur iman. insyaallah. =)

now, when i look back. meninggalkn jahiliyyah ni bknlah p'kara mustahil. (as i used 2 think). coz, once we really want allah's blessing more than anything, everything else seems meaningless. i am proud 2 say that, i am no longer interested pd perkara yg x b'kaitan dgn islam & allah. this time i really mean it & i really hope perasaan ini akan kekal. aminnnnnn..

i am now really happy, at peace. suatu perasaan yg amat ku rindui. =')